Just this week, a friend of mine found out that he and his wife are having a baby girl. He said that when he first heard the news his mind immediately went to thoughts of their daughter dating and attending her prom. In my mind, it is normal to have fears about our children and the challenges that they will face, even before they born. However, this fear for a child's well being (particularly his/her sexual well-being) seems to be more common among father and daughter pairs. I don't think that it happens very often that when someone learns that they are going to have a son, that they immediately worry about their son's future dating and sexuality.
I realize that there is a whole heap of cultural and historical context to this response. Across a wide variety of cultures, men are viewed as the ones responsible for protecting the sexuality of women in their families. However, I am interested in how the broader culture impacts LDS parents. In many ways the LDS church seems to be pretty egalitarian in that they want to prevent sexual activity among both young men and young women before marriage. However, I feel that LDS parents, like many other parents, can be more restrictive of their daughters activities and more worried about their dating lives.
Beyond questions about parenting practices, there seems to be a broader question here. Do we do our daughters a service or disservice by focusing on their sexuality more than other concerns? Why would a father's mind immediately turn to these thoughts? Does this reflect a cultural tendency within Mormonism to focus on the sexuality of women more then the sexuality of men? For example, does this reflect a tendency to view women's sexuality as something that should be protected (because they are angels), or avoided (because they are temptresses)? What do you think?
I think that fathers (often) are concerned for their children's safety and sexuality becomes tangled up in it. Fathers see how vulnerable young girls can be and their thoughts turn to protecting them, hence all the jokes about cleaning guns on the table when boys come over or not letting their daughters date until they're 30.
ReplyDeleteThe consequence of this behavior is often that healthy attitudes about sex aren't being taught because parents are so worried about the negative sides of sex that they turn it into something scary and bad.
I think its a difficult position for a father because he remembers what it was like to be a randy (and stupid) teenage boy who felt they knew everything and had everything under control. I'm not sure I'd want my daughter dating someone like I was as a teenager, though I'd respect her decisions on it (and hope I taught her better by then). It also doesn't help that we have no real idea of what our teenage daughters are going through, as we've never been teenage girls.
ReplyDeleteI'm actually more concerned about the sexual activites of my sons than my daughter, but that's also probably because I've been there myself.
Culturally (mormon), I've not seen so much emphasis on womens sexuality than mens (aside from lamentations on bad YW lessons), but again it's probably because its not my group.
This will all probably change in the next 10 years as my only daughter approaches teenagerhood.